Twitter and Movie Reviews

So, a while back I let the popular tide swallow me and drag me into the sea that is Twitter. I don’t know why. Do I really need to be part of another social networking site? I already have a MySpace, FaceBook and LiveJournal, plus the real Web site (and its satellites). I signed up for Bebo once, but never went back. I have a Blogger account somewhere, too. Did I need this Twitter account? Probably not. But there it is. Follow me if you want. If I know you, or you seem interesting, I’ll follow you, too. Don’t look for updates about me brushing my teeth and such, though. I try to make it at least mildly intersting (and if you’re interested in my hygiene, you’re just too weird.)

Okay, last night I took the wife, three youngest kids and a friend of the teen daughter to the Winchester Drive-in. You people my age and older probably remember when most of the drive-ins died in the 1980s. Don’t tell that to the Winchester, where it was literally packed for a pretty lame triple feature. I’ll get to the films in a minute. First, you have to picture this pure Oklahoma scene: Drive-in theater with a working oil pump jack to the right, and about midnight a dazzling lightning show playing out behind the screeen. Of course, it was pretty damn hot and sticky … but no bugs!

The triple feature was Ice Age 3: Dawn of the Dinosaurs, Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen, and The Hangover. We’ll get The Hangover out of the way first. We didn’t stay for that one. The youngest kid was not asleep by 1:30 a.m. and everyone else had pretty much had enough. As silly as the previews for that one looks, however, it still had a strong shot at being the best of that trio.

I haven’t liked any of the Ice Age movies, and I have to say this third installment is the worst so far. Yes, it’s a kids’ movie. So was Shrek. So was Beauty and the Beast, Chicken Run and Toy Story. Those were good. The Ice Age movies are just drivel. And I’m sorry, but Ray Ramono is just Ray Ramono. His voice does not work in animation. I keep waiting for his parents to drive a car through the wall. Anyway, the movie is about the sloth who finds three dinousaur eggs in an underground world none of the mammals knew was there. Of course they are tyrannasaurus rex eggs, mama comes for the babies, and takes the sloth, too. So all the other unconventional family members — I mean, the rest of the herd — has to go looking for him, and that includes the pregnant Queen Latifah as Ray’s wife. Simon Pegg was the only interesting character, as a Crocodile Dundee rip-off weasel. The blatant “homages” to good films were numerous, Ray whined, Queen Latifah was wise and wise-cracking and Dennis Leary learned family life can be an adventure. Then the credits rolled. And things got worse.

Transformers was a stupid cartoon back in the 1980s. Remember those similar cartoons where the characters had super-lame names like Casta Spella, He-Man, Smurfette, Cobra, Skeletor, Autobots, etc.? Now imagine taking the worst of that lot, throwing millions of dollars at it and hiring one of the worst directors ever to helm it and you have the first Transformers movie. But kids have no taste, spent millions to see the piece of crap, so now we get a sequel. (My youngest son loves Transformers … but he’s seven years old.) This movie had one redeeming scene and it came early on when Megan Fox, wearing short-shorts and cowboy boots is laying on a big motorcycle to paint the gas tank. Wow. Otherwise, the whole film was a combination of Bay’s usual slo-mo “here’s where you’re supposed to feel some sort of pathos” scenes, bad acting, predictable action scenes, asinine comic relief and, oh yeah, a big giant Chevrolet commercial. And let’s not forget the stereotypical “evil” voice for the bad guys and the old-and-wise voice of the elder good robots, plus the attitude of the Washington, D.C. bureacrat. Seriously, lame doesn’t begin to describe this movie. Scene by scene you could predict what would happen next, what the next line would be, what emotion you were supposed to engage next, etc. Alien robots. We’re suppose to care about alien robots, most of which transform into the 2009 Chevy lineup? Puh-leeze!

I’m glad to suspend disbelief and accept a 200-pound man turning into a 125-pound wolf, but seeing a new Camaro turn into a weeping robot? No freaking way!

But if I could get a poster of Ms. Fox on that bike, I’d sure put that on my wall (until the wife tore it down).

Oh, one more. The wife and I watched The Haunting in Connecticut on DVD the other night. Dumb and predictable in a typically modern teen horror movie kind of way.

A lot of negativity toward Hollywood, huh? Maybe I’ll have something nice to say when Frank Darabont releases his version of Fahrenheit 451.

Eerie Books signing

I’m going to steal a phrase from Carrie Jones to describe somebody, even if it does sound as girly as, I dunno, glittering vampires. Randy Ray of Eerie Books is “made of awesome.” There. I said it. Yesterday’s signing down in Wylie, Texas, was so much fun! Gabrielle Faust and I both read for a bit, then signed books for a while. Yes, that means people actually came! It was great. Then we all — including my wife, Christopher Fulbright, Angeline Hawkes, Ethan Nahte, some other customers and employees — just hung out in the back of the store for hours and talked, bashed Twilight, talked some more, then Randy fed the whole group at Texas Roadhouse.

The werewolves won the first battle of Vampire vs Werewolf! At the moment, I don’t know how much money was raised, but I can announce that Robyn Lydick won the werewolf drawing. I’ll post the total raised for both teams and the vampire winner at the battle site in the next couple of days. Many, many thanks to everyone who participated in the charity “battle” and GO WEREWOLVES! The days of the furries being second class to the dirt-sleepers are over.

Eerie Books, by the way, is an incredible store. I mean, Randy has books you wouldn’t believe are still available. I’m kicking myself because I forgot to pick up the copy of Twinkle, Twinkle Killer Kane he had (yes, I have The Ninth Configuration, but still … ). Randy still has a lot of copies of both my and Gabrielle’s books in stock, so if you’ve been thinking about getting one, drop him an e-mail. Or, if you’re within 300 miles, go visit the store. You won’t regret it!

So, again, huge thanks to Randy for hosting this signing, for ordering the books we sold, giving friends a place to hang out, and for dropping a massive wad of cash feeding all of us. Oh! And his wife makes kickass werewolf cupcakes, too.

To get to Eerie Books, I drove my brand new car. On Friday I bought a 2009 Ford Focus. I traded in my 2003 Chevy Silverado. It feels kinda weird to be without my loud black truck, but the Focus got 31 mpg going to Wylie and back and it only cost me $25 to refill the tank today. Plus, I still have “Old Red,” the 1971 Ford truck my father-in-law gave us a couple of months ago. He gave it to us for my oldest son, but he won’t drive it because it’s a stick. (Today, some jackass apparently let a cart hit the trunk lid of my new car and put two little dents and scratches in it. People are stupid.)

An article, a review, and a book

Ethan Nahte of Examiner.com posted this article about this Saturday’s event. What event? Well, the Vampire vs Werewolf smackdown between me and Gabrielle Faust, of course! Ethan set out to interview both me and Gabrielle, but the vampiress was already hiding in fear of the fur. Or caught up in deadlines, or something. Anyway, go read the article. It’s pretty funny in places. Come out and see us on Saturday at Eerie Books in Wylie, Texas. And support Mission: Wolf by buying tickets!

I keep meaning to post this, then somehow forget. How does one forget that he’s been reviewed in Cemetery Dance magazine? I dunno. Just getting old, I guess. But yes, my own Little Graveyard on the Prairie was reviewed on page 122 of Issue #60, which came out in the middle of June, actually. The review itself, written by Jack Lloyd, is just kind of lukewarm, but ends with “…a largely fun and fast-paced read.” But hey, I’m in CD!

Speaking of Little Graveyard on the Prairie, I got my copy of the lettered edition today (mine is actually marked PC). It’s very nice. I have to admit I didn’t know what to expect, as I’ve actually held very, very few limited edition books. This is nice. It doesn’t have a dustjacket, which kind of surprised me, but it has a nice foil picture on a deep blue hardcover, and the dustjacket image is featured within. Also include are the two extra pieces I wrote just for this edition. Sorry, but the lettered did sell out and those two pieces are not available anywhere else. You can still buy a numbered copy, though.

Remember: Two bucks and you could win four signed books AND help a very worthy organization.

Why is he in a cowboy museum?

So, I have had other stuff I wanted to post about besides the stupid literature pirates. Maybe my old brain will remember most of it. First, though, to the subject line. I wish I could post a picture, but I can’t find the cord that connects my phone to my computer. Anyway, after weeks of him asking, I finally took my youngest son back to the National Cowboy & Western Heritage Museum today. Sadly, like most kids today, he doesn’t really watch or appreciate Western movies like I did. He likes the play area and the Old West town recreation. And, of course, the gift shop. But, back on topic. There is a massive and incredible statue of Abraham Lincoln sitting in the museum. First Jake told me it was George Washington, but then he guessed it right. Then he looked at me and asked in his this-makes-no-sense voice, “Why is HE in a cowboy museum? He should be at the White House.” Eh, maybe you had to be there. Personally, I was impressed that my 7-year-old son recognized Lincoln and could place him in the White House.

Last week was brutal! I was at an Advanced Placement workshop all week and worked my part-time job, too. The workshop was pretty draining, but I learned a lot I’ll be able to use in class. Still, I didnt have much juice left for creative stuff when I got home.

The big thing at the moment is preparing for the first Vampire vs. Werewolf signing with Gabrielle Faust this Saturday. I did two interviews about the signing the other day, so we’re hoping for a good turnout. I have to say that Gabrielle and I are both disappointed in the online response to the charity component of the “battle”. The werewolves are ahead, but not by much … because donations have been really slow. Come on, folks, you could win four signed books for a simple $2 donation that will go to help rescued wolves. Or bats, if you prefer.

Well, between my daughter and her boyfriend watching the (I’m sure crappy) remake of My Bloody Valentine and the smell of whatever my wife is cooking for dinner, I can’t recall what else I had to say. Besides, I need to reserve this typing for the werewolves. There’s a new character and I’m dying to know what part he’s going to play.

Pirates II: Curse of the Snark

In yesterday’s post about story thieves I said I couldn’t possibly contact all of those places that had “Unholy Womb” illegally posted. I did, however, contact djjeremy@gmail.com at winterrowd.com and told him to remove the story or pay me 3 cents per word for the privilege of having it on his site. He responded in typical pirate fashion:

it’s gone, it isn’t worth .03 for the entire story. sorry for any inconvenience. (sic)

Isn’t that nice? He apologized … after saying the entire story he’d had posted on his site for over two years isn’t worth 3 cents in its entirety. Well, maybe he’s saving his money for some mail order grammar and punctuation lessons. Douchebag.

Meanwhile, Stephen Evans (steve@thecryptmag.com) of The Crypt Mag (www.thecryptmag.com) still has my story online. Click the e-mail link and tell him what a putz he is if you want.

Thieves!

I can be rather forgetful sometimes. Fortunately the population at large is filled with dumbasses. Today I got a notice from PayPal informing me that one Stephen Evans of The Crypt Mag (www.thecryptmag.com) rejected my request for money. The request was sent on Dec. 20, 2004. I was demanding that Stephen Evans of The Crypt Mag (www.thecryptmag.com) pay me $38.85 for reprinting my short story “Unholy Womb.” You see, Stephen Evans of The Crypt Mag (www.thecryptmag.com) copied the story for a Web site I did authorize to reprint the story and then Stephen Evans of The Crypt Mag (www.thecryptmag.com) pasted it into his online magazine.

Being reminded of Stephen Evans of The Crypt Mag (www.thecryptmag.com)’s thievery today made me do a Google search for my story. As you can see, a number of people have helped themselves to my copyrighted material. Of those, only Halloween Ghost Stories actually has permission to have the story online. I could contact every site that has it online, but there are pages and pages of them.

What the hell? Why do people think it’s okay to steal and repost material that isn’t theirs? I mean, I’m flattered that so many people like the story and want to share it, but come on! In most cases they even copies the hot link of my name that clicks through to an e-mail address of mine. Would it be so damn hard to ask permission?

The only good news here is that a Google search of the story’s first line did not turn up even more sites hosting the pirated story. That’s happened before, with this story and a couple of others. Some jackass actually reposted them under his own name. He stole a few of mine and some other authors’ stories, and there was a big uproar. Even Brian Keene got involved in that one.

Back on topic. This is not good. But I don’t know what to do about it. If it’s stolen and reprinted a certain number of times, do I lose any rights to it? What if I wanted to adapt it to a screenplay? Is the story even still mine? This really blows. “Unholy Womb” was my first published story, appearing in The Midnight Zoo back in about 1992 or ‘93. I let Halloween Ghost Stories reprint it in 2001. Now, eight years later, it’s gotten around as much as a cheap Webcam whore.

Killing a friend

I killed a friend yesterday.

I’d known this person since 1993. I met him because of a creative writing course at Francis Tuttle Technology Center. He’d been a good friend, though always a little strange. He didn’t deserve to die, but then life and death seldom play fair. I miss him already.

Fortunately, since he only exists in my fiction, I won’t be charged with murder for killing him. Still, considering I can’t name a single real friend I knew in 1993 that I still talk to today, I kind of feel like I killed a real person.

He’s gone, though. This needed to be done. Knowing it had to be done kept me from really getting started on the next book of The Werewolf Saga. I didn’t want to do it, you know. But now it’s done and I can go on. He may reappear through the magic of flashback and … I have three award-winning chapters and an outline of an historical romance novel that stars him, too. So, as Harley Shaw learned, “Dead ain’t gone, and gone ain’t dead.”

I have 25 pages of the new werewolf book done. That’s about 6,000 words. I suspect it will go pretty quickly now. Much quicker than The Girls Nobody Wanted to Date! This one is called Nadia’s Children. If you don’t know who Nadia is, you can find out by reading the history pages at The Werewolf Saga online. If you can’t figure out who I killed … you probably didn’t read the ending of Ulrik.

In other news, the temperature here in central Oklahoma was about 100 degrees today. (Yes, Marcy, it’s time to water the house again.) It’ll be hotter tomorrow. I think our air conditioning is about to crap out, too.

Summer school is over! Of the three years I’ve taught summer school, this was the easiest. I got confirmation yesterday that, yes, I will be teaching the senior English classes again this fall. I expected as much. The second job is going well. I’ve met some very interesting people from all over the world doing this ESL testing.

Finally, just a reminder about the Vampire vs Werewolf “fight” between me and Gabrielle Faust. It isn’t too late to make a $2 donation to Mission: Wolf for a chance to win all four signed volumes of The Werewolf Saga. Or, yeah, you can support the vampires and have a chance to win four books from Gabrielle by donating to her bat conservatory cause.